I’m studying law and I know for a fact that charismatic lawyers get more opportunities in the field than the less confident guys, like myself.
How do I become more outgoing and build stronger relationships with people who could help me in the field and with friends, in general?
You’re totally right – just like in any field, it’s the lawyers who know how to attract people and how to work a room that ultimately succeed (basically, Harvey Specter).
Here’s what you can do:
Read these books
Preferably get actual hard copies so you can make notes, highlight and mark up tips that are particularly important to you.
Put those Books into Action
… And see every single interaction you have each day as a chance to become a more charismatic person.
With charisma and social skills, in particular, the key is to try, try, try.
Let’s get one thing out of the way: You will get yourself into awkward situations. And that is normal.
But by working on it constantly, you train yourself to become comfortable interacting with anyone while still keeping your cool, whether it’s with the barista at Starbucks or the managing partner of a law firm.
My advice may seem simplistic. And it is designed to be simple. But when done right, it can be frustratingly hard.
Here are some notes to encourage you along the way
1. Everyone feels awkward and uncomfortable then they first start working on their social skills.
It’s a pretty taboo topic – we’re kind of expected to be born being able to work a room. But more often than not, we all start off socially awkward.
For now, I would encourage you to read the books, decide on your action steps and take it day by day.
A strange piece of advice: Do not tell people you are working on your social skills, unless you for sure know that they’ll be encouraging. Most people will try to discourage you in obvious and non-obvious ways. (You’ve probably experienced this before.)
The journey of self-improvement is hard enough without having people to discourage you.
2. With social skills, “fake it till you make it” works wonders.
Thing is, people won’t know the depths of your insecurities unless you tell them or you make it obvious them. On the flip side, if you act confident, people just automatically assume that you have something to be confident about.
For example, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve attended business events feeling tired, grumpy or simply the most underdressed person in the room. But after resolving to fake my confidence that night so I don’t have a crappy time, I ended up laughing with new friends, making a ton of genuine relationships and participating in meaningful conversations.
I know, I know.
It can get super tiring to keep up the energy of being charismatic and outgoing, especially if you’re just starting out. But, trust me – once you gain confidence in your ability to become charismatic anytime, anywhere, it will become less stressful and more effortless to keep it on when you have to.
3. There will always someone who is more uncomfortable than you
When we walk into a room, our attention naturally jumps to the loudest, the most attractive, the most social or the most charismatic person there. Then we start comparing ourself to them. And then we end up deciding that we’re not as good looking/interesting/funny as they are – so why bother?
But if you look around a bit more, you’ll start noticing people who are just as uncomfortable as you are, people who look shy and maybe (it’s possible!) even more out of place. Talk to them.
Instead of trying to compete and compare yourself to the “Alpha” who needs to be loud and raucous to feel confident, be that person who was so comfortable in their own skin that they didn’t need a crowd of people around them to feel heard.
Be that one special individual who made an impact because they made the event a little more bearable for someone else. Do it because someone else needs a boost!
If you take away just one thing from this email, make it this:
Being charismatic and outgoing doesn’t always mean you’re the one who gets the most attention (though that is needed sometimes). It’s about being the person everyone wants to be around.
Hope this helps and let me know if you have any more questions or come across any roadblocks. Would love to help!